Many have the desire to help others who are seen in distress. They see others hurting, struggling, confused, and not knowing what to do next, and believe they can change and help fix the problem. They are considerate, and that is commendable much of the time.
Parents see their adult children struggle. The sight grieves them, and they offer money to get the young adult out of the situation the child found himself in. However, constantly bailing the child out may deprive that person of the opportunity to learn what needs to be understood.
A child breaks the law and faces prison. The father does not want the child to go to jail, which is understandable, and got the best lawyers, paid little concern that his son’s actions hurt another person, but made sure the child was soon freed from getting any jail time.
However, that young man may not realize how the crime has hurt him and others. Now he sees that there is a way out, even when a wrong is committed. Unfortunately, he may not have learned the lesson he should have, and believes he can always get out of a problem. There may be no change in his behavior, and he may find himself in the same situation again.
A homeless person is seen as needy. Kindness is shown, and many of the person’s needs are met. However, that person may have gotten into that situation through bad decisions and may continue to get into them because he never made life-changing decisions to prevent it from happening again.
Advice is offered. Debts are dissolved. Money is given to solve a problem. The intentions are good. Help is wanted and often received, but is that person really being helped?
There are times when people need help. It is the right thing to do in most situations. But if that person repeatedly does the same thing, it may be apparent that he is not learning from his past.
Perhaps the best way to help that person, after he has been helped multiple times and there seems to be a pattern of making the wrong decisions, is to let him experience the consequences of his choices. He may then make changes to prevent repeated behaviors. Most of us learn best and develop a stronger character when we learn a lesson the hard way.
Facing the consequences of mistakes and having to deal with them on one’s own is often the only way a person will make changes. Sometimes the test in the School of Hard Knocks is for the best when it is passed on one’s own. It often refines character.
Many find that when they are at the “bottom of their barrel,” which is usually different for every person, they look for a way up and out of their predicament. Often, at that time, they seek God’s help and learn to rely on Him. They may never look for a way to change or look to God’s help if people continue to solve their problem for them.
“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5
Perhaps that person found himself in a desperate situation because he was never shown what the right thing to do was. Godly advice from a person helping in the situation should be offered, along with any financial or other support, so that the person can avoid similar problems in the future.
Sometimes a person is in a terrible predicament because they know the right way, but, for whatever reason, choose to do it differently. Sweating through the consequences may teach them the right way, so they never find themselves down and out again.
There are also times when a person rebels against logic, social norms, and even runs from the conviction God has placed in their hearts, which is why they are in the situation they are in. Again, helping them out of a situation they repeatedly seem to be in may not be helping them. It may be encouraging them to continue going the way they are because someone always picks up and fixes the shattered pieces in their life.
“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
“If God is working in a person’s life, our helping them may prevent them from learning what God is trying to teach them.”
That person may be going through a trial that God ordained to help and strengthen that person. It may never be learned if others solve the problems for them. Difficulties often encourage a person to trust, obey, and follow the Lord.
“Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.” Hosea 10:12
“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.” James 1:3-6
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Proverb 3:5
Also: Psalm 37:5, Philippians 4:19.
Helping others when they need help is natural and should be practiced often. However, discernment and perhaps more knowledge about how that person got into an unpleasant situation are needed so that the person can climb out of their trouble on their own and learn never to do what they did again. A self-taught lesson is usually more helpful than all the handouts and fixes someone else could ever do.
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. “ Psalm 126:5
“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Roman 5:3-5
“If you choose not to deal with an issue, then you give up your right of control over the problem and one will select the path of least resistance.” ― Susan Del Gatto
