The Ephesians 5 Husband and Wife

Husband and wife.

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it … 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: … 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. … 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Eph. 5:21-33

Ephesian 5 discusses a subject which bristles the hair on the back of many necks. It takes a position that has been hated and rebelled against for generations. Unfortunately, the refusal to follow God’s commandments in this area has resulted in a current divorce rate near 50%. Paul discusses, in Ephesian 5:21-33, submissiveness between a married man and woman.

Submitting, according to Noah Webster, is the yielding or surrendering to an authority. The first surrendering to an authority discussed here is for both husband and wife to surrender to each other (vs. 21), because they have respect for God’s commandments! They are to submit to each other because God tells them to, and they should know God’s way is always best. God ordained the union between man and woman; so He certainly knows how it will work. No other way will be successful!

A wife is also to submit to her husband (vs. 22). When she is humbling herself to do so, she is doing it “unto the Lord”. What a step of faith it takes for a wife to trust the Lord in this way. I am sure most women shudder at this point, thinking all kinds of situations: “What happens if I submit to him, and my husband treats me badly?”; “What happens if I let him be the authority and decision-maker, and he makes wrong decisions?”; “What happens if I don’t get my say?”, and countless other scenarios.

Those situations could come to pass if the husband does not hold up his commitments. That is why it is so important that a marriage is between believers (II Cor. 6:14). However, there are no retractions for bad decisions in marriage partners in God’s Word. No matter the spiritual status, one is still committed to holding up his part of the marriage, as the Lord commands.

There are many marriage failures because couples did not adhere to God’s way, but rather try to cohabit the way “everyone else is doing it”. When failures in a marriage do occur, it is usually because someone is not holding up his end of God’s commandments for that person.

Submission in a marriage is not just the wife’s responsibility. The husband also has a part to make a marriage work. His part is not just surrendering to his wife, but he is to love his wife as Christ loves His church (vs.25); as much as he loves his own body (vs. 28, 33). One should not want to do wrong to his own body; so also he must only want to do what is right and best for his wife.

Marriage is a picture of Christ’s (vss. 23, 25, 27, 32) submitting His body to die for the sins of man. Jesus submitted to His Father and allowed Himself to be payment for our sins. As we submit ourselves to Christ, we should also submit ourselves to each other. God’s way works! 

“The husband should be the houseband, binding all together like a cornerstone, but not crushing everything like a millstone.” — Spurgeon

4 thoughts on “The Ephesians 5 Husband and Wife

  1. I am married and my husband is lost. I have been struggling with what is right to do.
    He doesn’t want me to go to church be involved in anything with the church. However, I have went anyway and became involved anyway because I was advised to render to God what was God’s. Not to forsake the assembling…

    But I have been reading the verses that say 1 Peter 3:1
    Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands;that if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives;

    I have struggled with this for about 7 years. I have no heart to quit on God I am heartbroken over the way my husband reacts to things of God and me. We really need counseling and he refuses to go. He makes comments all the time about wanting out if the marriage. I have talked to my Pastor and others.
    I’m at my wits end. Should I just stay home like my husband wants or do I go on and lose him forever and he may never be saved.
    Can you help with Biblical answer?

    1. When I wrote the article I felt it would reach hearts that were in the dilemma you spoke of. It is not a very easy decision, especially after getting threats of his leaving.

      Going to your local pastor is a step in the right direction. He knows you and hopefully knows something about your husband’s situation. Without knowing both sides of the story and from both of you, my advice may not be accurate. All I know is “What Sayeth the Scriptures?” Read and study every verse you can find on marriage. Pray all the time. Fast over the matter.

      I know you are battling a hard thing. No matter what happens, if you know the Lord is in it you will be able to face the outcome that may occur from your decision making. So, it will be necessary to know his will. I’ve included a link to an article on “Knowing God’s Will” that may help: http://openthoumineeyes.com/lessons/godswill.htmlhttp://openthoumineeyes.com/lessons/godswill.html.

      Sometimes our spiritual growth depends on our working through a “roadblock”. Many spout out about how a woman should be subject to their husband (I Cor. 7:2-16), but it is easy to say but hard to do. It involves a faith that many have never exercised before. It can be scary, but faith and trust in God usually has its rewards. But, if it is God’s will for you to stay home and be an example for him, then somehow God will work things out for the best. I’ve been on the scary end of a life-changing decision myself. I remember the uncertainty and fear of making that hard step. It may not have resulted in what i thought or hoped was the result, but every trial has been strengthening, taught me alot, and helped me grow spritually.

      Jennifer, I will put you on my prayer list and will join you in prayer. In the future, please e-mail me at brinkworth@frontier.com

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